Women in Ministry

So, today at the bank, the pastor from the church across the street came by.  He is a client and we know him and his family, and he wanted to invite us to their Christmas Eve services.  It was a kind and wonderful gesture, and he prefaced it with “if you aren’t going somewhere else…”  With that opportunity to decline graciously, I responded, “thank you so much for the invitation, but I am attending somewhere else.”  He asked where and I told him about our church down the street.  As he was leaving, he said “pray for your pastor, I’m sure he needs it this week.”  to which I responded, “yes, I’m sure she does.”

Growing up in a church that has ordained women in pastoral leadership for 55 years, it sometimes takes me by surprise when others are surprised that our pastor is a woman.  I don’t believe for a minute the pastor from across the street was implying that women should not be pastors, I think sometimes we all get caught up in the culture stereotypes.  Which leads me to my next topic:  a great article I read the other day about teachers incorporating lessons about gender identity into their elementary school curriculum.  Read it here.

I wish there had been this type of teaching when I was in school.  I can’t even begin to imagine how many children (and adults, too!) spend and spent their lives uncomfortably and living in such a way that was untrue to how they felt inside.  It breaks my heart.

A series of firsts

A few weeks ago our first married Thanksgiving.

Matt’s first married birthday.

Our first married Christmas will soon be here.

None of these felt like firsts.  After sixish years of celebrating holidays mostly together with each others families it is familiar territory to figure out where we will spend each hour of our holiday.  We trade every other year Christmas Eve and while I know both families would prefer we stay with them, neither have yet to complain

I suppose I should file this under, “no, it doesn’t feel different to be married,” but sometimes I feel like this particular Christmas should feel differently than it does.  And I can’t quite pinpoint why.  I have a “our first Christmas” ornament on the tree, but it isn’t really our first Christmas.  That was years ago, when we couldn’t quite figure out what to get each other, when we didn’t know each other’s likes and dislikes.  Now, I figure it out a few weeks in advance and then spend the next two months reminding Matt of the holiday rule:  Do not buy yourself anything from the beginning of November until after Christmas.  And I leave hints for Matt beginning in October, knowing full well he won’t pick up on them until the day after Thanksgiving.

But, it’s our first married Christmas!  Our tree is decorated, presents are wrapped, holiday music is acceptably on the radio and soon it will be Christmas Day!

On Being Married

So, it’s been 41 days since we said our “I Dos” and for the most part not a whole lot has changed.  People keep asking me if it feels any different to be married and the answer is 

…..drumroll…..

No.  No it doesn’t feel any different after living together for over two years.  I already know that Matt leaves his socks and sometimes his pants on the floor (I’m lucky if it’s the bedroom floor and not the living room floor) and he already knows that my makeup will be spread across the bathroom counter until the end of time.  I know that Matt hates to do dishes, but will vacuum willingly.  He knows that I will clean the bathroom, but that I hate to vacuum or wash windows.  Neither of us like to make the bed.  Or do laundry.  Both of us love to cook. 

But things have taken on a different meaning in the last 40 days.  It means more to think about the future.  Matt is the man with whom I will buy a house, have children and grow old.  It means more to think about the immediate future.  We share decisions and walk all the way through them together.  We talk about every job application submitted and dream about where we would like (or wouldn’t like) to live.  We budget our money together.  We’ve stopped dividing household expenses 50-50 and have started utilizing a joint bank account. It means more to dream jointly.  Those blurry dreams of home and family have become clearer.  Seeing older couples at the bank makes me think of Matt and I and what we’ll be like in the future. 

It is still weird to call Matt “my husband” even though he’s labeled as such in my phone and on facebook.  It’s weird to get mail addressed to me with my new name.  It sucked to wait 2.5 hours earlier this week to get my drivers license changed.  But the grin Matt had on his face when I came home with the sheet of receipt paper with my picture and new name made it all worth it.  ”That’s my wife!” he said.  

And so, as cheesy as it sounds, here we go as Team Gapske! 

Wedding Pictures

The incredible Lacey Crough took our wedding pictures in San Diego and they’re ready!  Check them out on her awesome blog:  http://laceycroughphoto.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/the-love-story-of-danielle-matt/ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’re married!

San Diego was absolutely amazing.  The wedding was perfect.  The beach was beautiful.

And now we’re Mr and Mrs Gapske!

Going to the Chapel

…er backyard… and we’re gonna get married

We leave in the morning for San Diego!  I’m almost too excited to sleep.

Lists

Tonight, after football was watched, ribs were smoked and eaten and fingers and faces washed, I realized this is my last evening to sit and doodle around on the computer until after I’m married. By this time next week I will be so busy making lists of things I need to do and take to California I will be too busy to actually act on those lists.  

ugh, lists. Right now I have a list of thank you notes I need to write, convince husband-to-be to sign and explain that yes, it’s wonderful to send thank you notes before we’ve even gotten married.
I have a list of the things I carefully packaged and shipped to San Diego so they will be there when we arrive in 11 days.  (this includes my dress and husband-to-be’s suit.  This is causing an amount of anxiety I am trying to ignore because I want to sleep tonight and every night until our dear friends have unpacked and inspected them.)
I have a list of the things I need to take to California.
I have a list of the things I need for the reception in Kansas.
I have a list of people who haven’t RSVP’d yet (I’m looking at you!) and will be sending out the assassins soon.
I have  a list of people I need to wrangle and give job assignments to.
I have a list of things that can wait until after October 21.

And now there is this list.  All of these lists are missing things.  I will soon be missing my mind.  If you see it rolling around looking for sunflowers in California or cake in Kansas, please send it back to me?  Many early thanks. 

 

Practice

25 days

So Matt has been wearing a practice ring for the last week so that 25 days from now he won’t find it so weird to wear a wedding band all the time.  

There is some extrapolating I could do here about preparation for marriage and practicing, but I mostly like to tell people he has a practice ring.  :)  

What I want to say

What I am wrestling with today friends have been able to express more eloquently than me.

Friend #1

Friend #2

Please, read and reflect on this day of many mixed emotions.

a few things

1. Today is Grandpa’s birthday.  Happy Birthday Grandpa!

2. 37 days until we go to San Diego.  There are lots of little things to still figure out, but we have the entire month of September to do that.

3. Mom held a wonderful shower for me on Saturday.  I got to see the fantastically kind and loving women from Lowman, and a few friends from KC also!  I’m overwhelmed by their generosity as is my living room and kitchen.  However, I’ve found I’m awesome at writing thank you notes.  They’re already mailed!  Can I put that on a resume?  Someone should totally pay me to have great turn around on thank you cards.

4. I’m still exhausted.  I’ve had a headache for 5 days.  I’ve not slept properly for weeks.  Sometimes I’m a little too excited, sometimes I have too much I think I need to do and stay up too late to do it, sometimes I can’t get my brain to slow down enough so I can write down what I need to do so I can do it in the morning.

5. Having some trouble balancing the need for numbers with the knowledge that numbers aren’t an adequate measurement of how effective we are as a church.  The weight of that has been impeding my sleep cycle too.

6. I’m. Getting. Married. In. 39. Days!

7. I’ve only got 39 days left as a Mills.  Now that this is a very close reality, I’m feeling a little weird about it.  I already told Matt I would take his last name (it moves me up in the alphabet!) but I’m going through a bit of an identity crisis with it.  It’s not that I’m attached to it professionally, but it’s been my name for 25 years.  And I’ve had to do a lot of explaining to people about my name (first name versus middle name), so the Mills part has always been easy.  If anything else, just call me miss mills.  I don’t think I’m ready to be called Mrs. Gapske.  That’s, like, Matt’s grandma. And this is rather small beans, but I’ll have to change my email address, twitter name, facebook name, etc etc.  I know there are women who read this that have been in my position, tell me your story.  How did you reconcile the way you feel as you as written on your birth certificate versus how you feel as you with your new last name?